The dull life

I know it's been a long time since I've wrote anything and I think it's because I feel as if my life is so boring and dull these days, which is a phrase I never thought would come out of my mouth, but it seems it has. I don't know how it happened I have always been pretty lively and full of energy and full of life always been up to anything, but it seems that I have become more and more isolated over the years and so slowly that I didn't realize just how alone and isolated I've become. It sucks! You would think that it would be just the opposite of when my kids were little,you know you get stuck home because of childcare issues or just the amount of money it takes to raise them you know not much extra leftover after their needs,but no I was always busy with play dates or outings or sporting events. So I was always busy and then usually on the weekends we would entertain. There was always something going on mostly fun. The point is I had an active life. It all seemed to slowly change when we moved to this area. I didn't change,but I have never felt as if I fit in here.I am a pretty open minded liberal person and I guess here in the bible thumping south my personality isn't very accepted or understood. You know these people want to shove their religion and their rigid beliefs down your throat, and close minded to anything but their beliefs. I mean come on I might not believe in some of their ideals, but I'm not going to criticize or put someone down or tell them their wrong. I don't have a need to control everybody and force my opinions and beliefs on anyone. Think George Bush! I mean come on! He is a warmonger! All to avenge his poor daddy! What a schmuck! I mean how many innocent military personnel have been killed for this rat bastard? It was all a big lie and now every country in the world feels justified in doing the same to us. I am surrounded by people who see nothing wrong with this, but are outraged that Clinton got a blow job in the oval office! Come on! Like he is the only president that cheated? Not hardly! So needless to say I have been looked down upon by these far right wing elitist Republicans, and as you can imagine we don't have a whole lot in common. Or there is a lot of beer drinking cigarette smoking nascar people. What choices I have. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against any group of people, but it doesn't mean I want to hangout with them. Ever. So I guess that has been a lot of why I am leading a dull boring life. I don't seem to be able to break it though.I am not the type of person to join a group to share feelings I have taken classes to keep myself busy and have learned about design, but I didn't do it to get a job.I had to retire from my job because of physical pain. So really where do you meet people? It's not like I have a ton of money to do things with. As a matter of fact it has been so long since my husband got a raise(8years) even though management has been given raise after raise and after bonus. The people who keep the company running or flying twenty four seven always seem to be the ones who get screwed. Unions aren't what they used to be thanks in part from the government and in part the unions greed. I think it's important your kids are exposed to all kinds of different activities they were all involved in all sorts of sports and extra circular programs we always came up with the money, but somehow all our money goes to luxuries like food and electricity now, and things today are so exorbitant. But even taking classes I didn't really meet anyone I wanted to hang around with. I keep asking myself if my kids were in this situation what would I do? Then I think about all I did that worked for my kids, somehow it doesn't work for me. I keep telling myself if I lived somewhere else that's a little more laid back. Like the beach. I would have friends. At least I keep telling myself I would. It seems so much easier for my kids to make friends I guess because at a young age kids don't care about anything but their world so they don't force their beliefs or make you feel less than them. I never stayed in one place growing up long enough to really make friends long term. It's funny that now that I have been living in one place I can't make any real friends no matter how much I try I have acquaintances but no real true friends. So that's why I live a dull life I never thought it would happen I'm a fun person mostly, but the older I get the more I don't feel like trying, but I don't want to be dull and boring either! What to do what to do. But even if I am dull and boring I am going to try to write more often I know I have lots of stories some funny from the past when my kids and I grew up together. Make sure you give your children lots of opportunities to experience different things and expand their little minds. And appreciate your friends for who they are and if you are lucky enough to have a least one really good friend hang on to them. They make life not so dull and boring!

Well it's been a long time since I've wrote anything so I thought it was time. I sometimes feel as if my life is so boring and banal that I feel as if I really don't have anything anybody wants to hear about. Although my life hasn't always been this dull actually my life was filled with so much life sometimes wonder how I even survived. Raising three boys and really four if you count my husband which I do! Well you can imagine how full and hectic my life was for the better part of twenty five years. You can't raise three boys cart them to all their activities work full time maintain the house and keep the family together as best as you can and be dull and boring. I always dreamed of having a family of my own and knew that if I had the chance I would do whatever it took to have a real loving close family life. Family has always been important to me I guess because my own family life growing up was so dysfunctional. people throw that word around not really knowing or experiencing what dysfunction really is. It seems to have become a catchall phrase to explain or describe events or relationships that haven't gone as smoothly as they imagined. And I probably am guilty of that also, but truly if anyone has experienced dysfunction it has been me. I mean having a father who abandoned me, a grandfather who molested me frequently, and a mother who beat the crap out of me with whatever and whenever she felt like it, who also moved dozens of times which now I recognize as her running away from herself, who also put me down anytime she felt like it , which was often.
Now that I'm grown and many years out of that family life I see that my mother was so angry with the way her life was turning out that she took all that anger and rage out on my brother sister and I. We were here punching bag because we had to live with her. I see now that the older I got the more abusive she got I believe because to her I was her competition. Yes I was curvy and I had been told most of my life I was pretty. To her I was a threat for attention from men. Which explains why she was always flirty and touchy feely with any boy I brought home. It was very embarrassing but what could I do? Eventually I quit bringing home boys. Anyway I never had much of a childhood I was told at five years of age that now that my parents were divorced I was expected to help my mother with anything she needed help with. That was a huge responsibility for a five year old. Really what ended up happening was me being responsible for maintaining the welfare of my family. Something really to lay on a five year old don't you think? Of course my older sister was supposed to help too, but my mother never went to her one on one to tell her she needed to help out also. I think now the reason she didn't was she couldn't manipulate and make her feel guilty or bad for her situation. And then my brother wasn't expected to do anything because he was the only boy then there was my little sister who was the other golden child she was the baby why should she have to do anything. So there I was at the ripe old age of five trying my hardest to maintain a clean house not easy when four other people living there never cleaned up after themselves. My older sister was supposed to help but she didn't give a damn about the family or our house so it was very rare she did anything except on Sundays when she couldn't get out of helping to do the laundry. My mother would drop us off at the laundromat with a weeks worth of dirty clothes for five people. Can you imagine how much laundry that is? Every week we did ten loads. If we were lucky my mother would pick us up, but most times we had to lug all that laundry home across a couple of big fields. I dreaded Sundays. It was so hard trying to keep everyone happy and put together. Somehow I turned into the mother cooking cleaning laundry. If my mother didn't like how something was done I paid hell for it being called names cursing telling me how stupid I was and usually by the time she was done ranting and raving she would start hitting. I really am surprised she didn't kill one of us. I choose to believe god was protecting my siblings and I. Yes that was what my childhood consisted of. That same year I found out there was no Santa when by Christmas eve we didn't even have a tree I was worried Santa wouldn't even come so I couldn't sleep at all. When I heard a noise I tipped toed out to the living room hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa when instead there was my mother decorating a tree branch she had stuck in a can. Well I was disappointed there was no Santa.
Instead of my mother being understanding about my disappointment in Santa she got pissed started yelling and made me stay up and do the dishes. Some mother huh? I remember I felt bad for my mother because I had spoiled her surprise and ended up apologizing to her over and over again while I did dishes. I have been trying to forget my childhood since my childhood.That's why family life was the most important thing I could do for my kids.
I tried to be the best mom ever, I know I wasn't perfect and I know I made lots of mistakes, but I tried so hard to give my kids the happy childhood I never had and to give them the one I imagined family life should be. I worked my ass off I had three boys by the time I was twenty seven and had already been married eight years. My whole adult life has been raising a family and putting my needs on hold. I also had no chance to find myself or what it was I wanted to be when I grew up. And really I had spent my whole life raising a family. Except this time it was my very own family not one I got because my parents didn't want to take responsibility for the mess of a family they created. There was no way I wasn't going to take care of my family the way they deserved to be taken care of. I always read to my kids every night before bed. I think it's so important to connect with your kids and reading to them is one way to connect so I read to them every night and usually sometime during the day also. Reading helps kids explore and understand the world around them, also it helps develop their vocabulary and their intellect there sense of adventure, and pretend. Also if you're lucky it instills the love of reading. of course I read to my kids so I could connect with them and discover what their interests are their likes and dislikes. To let them feel their importance love and caring I felt for them. I wanted my children to feel safe and secure knowing there was at least one person in their life who wanted and enjoyed being with them. I believe parents should not just mom but dad too should take at least a few minutes everyday to read to their kids. I actually feel that it is so important to read to your child on a daily basis until they believe they are too old to be read to. That's one very important thing to do to connect with your child. So parents please read to your children every chance you get. You might think of it as one more chore you don't have time for, but trust me your kids grow up so fast that you only have a small window of time to enjoy them because after they are grown all you have is the great memories left of that part of their lives. It is one chance you have to have a positive influence on them. So do your part to help them become productive members of society. Do your part to instill a sense of learning and adventure in their lives. Do your part to instill a sense of security and love. After all how much more secure can they feel sitting in your lap or snuggled up in bed while you give them the sense of importance with your undivided attention? This is part of a formula to give your children a feeling of well being and self a sense of their importance and a sense of belonging to a family unit and what their part in the family is. So read to your kids and tuck them in every night let them feel how much love you have for them and that they matter that their part of the family is what makes the family the great one it is, and that the family just wouldn't be the same without their participation in it. Believe me the time and love you invest in your children will come back to you tenfold, and will also reflect in the kind of person they grow into. It's such a small thing to do but becomes a huge benefit for you and your child. So parents read to your babies every chance you get. I know I know you would love to but just don't have the time. Yes you do this is too important to blow off and ignore. If you read age appropriate books you will have the time. Most importantly before you buy or checkout a book browse through it and make sure it doesn't have very many words on each page. That's the secert to successfully reading to your child. Books that have tons of words on each page will end up becoming something to be dreaded by you and your child. And very frustrating to say the least. Children have very little attention spans so choose books wisely. It's one easy enjoyable way to show your love and to help you unwind and destress from the days highs and lows. So parents listen up and take the time to read to your child everyday share yourself your kids didn't ask to be here and if you don't care enough to invest your time care and love to your child who will care? If you don't the next thing you know your child will write a scathing tell all book where you are the cause for everything that goes wrong in their life. And really your children have the capacity to bring out the guilt you feel anyway, and really who needs that? Well that's all for now. Until next time take time each day to appericate, enjoy, love and share a little bit of yourself with your children. You are investing in yours and their future. Good Luck and Enjoy. Until next time mom knows best